We’re All Going to Die

We’re all going to die seems to be the main stream media’s drum beat. Tons of articles are pounding the death knell of not thousands but millions of Americans. Heck some have even said the CoronaVirus will be the largest death virus this planet has ever seen.

We're All Going to Die, reincarnation, all we have to fear is fear itself
HHHmmmmm….Have We Heard all This Before?

I’m no doctor. I don’t even play one on television. But, and it is a big but, I can tell you for a natural fact we have heard this story before. Hang with me for a minute and I will give you the list.

The same death knell started long before the first year listed on the chart. However, because I liked this chart, I decided to go with the first year it lists – 2001. I thought staying in the modern era versus rushing all the way back to 1918 and the Spanish flu was too much to perpetrate on Senior Outreach Ministries readers and followers.

–We’re All Going To Die

Let’s first take that phrase apart. The we obviously means both you and I. Given that is true there will be no more you and no more me. Do you believe that will actually come to being? If I can be honest for a minute, I sure don’t.

I am in no way saying I won’t be effected (catch the virus). I try to stay safe as the saying goes. But that doesn’t mean other people are practicing safe hygiene protocol.

All you have to do is read. There are stories everyday about people coughing in the face of other people. People licking vegetables and other items in stores. Other folks intentionally violating the safe distance mandate. The list goes on.

The Die Part Is The Most Scariest Part

Now we step into the die word. When you die you commit a pretty final act. As far as I know, there is no returning, anyway. Yes, I have heard of reincarnation. To a degree I even believe in it.

What I can’t reconcile is if it happens to or for all of us. In another words, a few scientists have said they have proven reincarnation is for real. What they don’t say is if it is for real for each and every human being on the earth.

If it is for real for each and every human being that means we will all return. If that is true what difference does it make if we die from the coronavirus? We will return at some date in the future.

Let’s say reincarnation is not for real. These scientists are wrong. That translates to we don’t return when we die. We are gone forever.

If we are gone forever and don’t return what difference does it make how we die? We all know we are going to make that final march. The cause becomes irrelevant.

None Of This Is To Say Don’t Take Precautions

Regardless of reincarnation, no reincarnation, how we die, the point is we are still alive. As such we should be taking all the precautions available to us. Why play with fire? Protect yourself as much as you can.

As promised here is the list I mentioned in the opening of this article. I did not create it. I took it off the Internet where it wasn’t ascribed to anyone in particular. However, the author is correct with the year and the “gonna die sickness” presented.

–Please Pay Attention, Closely Please–

Please pay attention to the very last line. To quote President Roosevelt, all we have to fear is fear itself. That’s what we are really facing. Fear is a powerful force that makes us do things we wouldn’t ordinarily do.

My next to last thought will probably come as no surprise. Make sure your life insurance premiums are paid! After all, if we’ve learned nothing else from surviving yet another epidemic, it would be, BE PREPARED. You never know what is coming. The CoronaVirus wreckage suffered had you caught it could have been alleviated by CoronaVirus Life Insurance.

However, it should come as no surprise, we’re all going to die. If possible let’s choose our own way in which we’re all going to die.



Senior Outreach Ministries achieves it’s objectives with the capital we’ve either earned or received from donors. The Proud 2 B A Senior Ribbon for example. Donate $5, get a ribbon and help us help a hungry Senior Citizen in need. All proceeds remain in the Ministries to be used per our mission statement. We are a volunteer church. No one receives a salary or wage. Please help us help less fortunate hungry Seniors. We never have and never will ask the government for grants, funds or hand outs. Thank You in advance.

Jokes For Senior Citizens

Jokes For Sr. Citizens

I Have Been told laughter is the best medicine.

I hope so or we’ve just wasted some electronic real estate.

Joke #1

At a southern university, students in the psychology program were attending their first class on emotional extremes.

“Just to establish some parameters,” said the professor to the student from Arkansas, “what is the opposite of joy?”

“Sadness,” said the student.

“And the opposite of depression?” he asked of the young lady from Oklahoma.

“Elation,” she said.

“And you sir,” he said to the young man from Texas, “what about the opposite of woe?”

The Texan replied, “Sir, I believe that would be ‘giddy up’.”

Joke #2

Two New Jersey hunters go hunting.

After a while, one of the hunters clutches his throat and falls to the ground, his eyes roll back, and he’s lying there motionless.

The other one picks up a cell phone, dials 911, and says, “I think my friend is dead! I don’t know what to do!”

And the operator says, “Just relax. Calm down. The first thing to do is to make certain your friend is dead.”

There’s a pause — and then the operator hears a gunshot. And the hunter gets back on the phone and says, “Okay. Now what?”

Jokes For Senior Citizens are like food. All of the jokes are either mild, medium or hot. Some of us like it spicy, and some of us don’t. Just don’t put too much in your system at any one time!!

Joke #3

One Saturday afternoon, not too long ago, my wife and I were shopping at a mall, a shapely young woman in a short, form-fitting dress strolled by.

Not really sure what got into me. But I let my eyes follow her.

Without ever taking her eyes off the dress she was examining, my wife calmly asked, “Was it worth it?”

With a shocked tone, I stuttered, “W-w-was what worth it?”

Without missing a beat my wife sharply replied, “It’s going to be tough golfing with your clubs wrapped around your head.”

Joke #4

After hearing that one of the patients in a mental hospital had saved another from a suicide attempt by pulling him out of a bathtub, the director reviewed the rescuer’s file and called him into his office.

“Mr. James, your records and your heroic behavior indicate that you’re ready to go home. I’m only sorry that the man you saved later killed himself with a rope around the neck.”

“Oh, he didn’t kill himself,” Mr. James replied. “I hung him up to dry.”.

If you have some clean jokes for senior citizens, or even just one joke, you’d like to share submit the joke(s), one-liner(s) or pun(s) and if it’s approved we’ll publish it with your name and state.

Click Here to Submit A Joke

Joke #5

Head of Household

Everybody on earth was dead and waiting to enter Paradise. God appeared and said, “I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men who were true heads of their household and the other line for the men who were dominated by their women. I want all the women to report to St Peter.”

Soon, the women were gone and there were two lines of men. The line of the men who were dominated by their wives was 1000 miles long, and in the line of men who truly were heads of their household, there was only one man.

God said, “You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you to be the head of your household. You have been disobedient and not fulfilled your purpose. I told you to be the spiritual leader in your family. Of all of you, only one obeyed.

Learn from him. Tell them, my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?”

The man replied, “I don’t know, my wife told me to stand here.”

Joke #6

It was a depressing, dreary day. I was at the Post Office. The line was long and people were griping about the hot, wet weather.

When I finished with the clerk she asked, “Is there anything else you would like?” In a very serious stage voice I replied, “Yes, a scotch & soda and some wild sex!”

All the people in line broke out laughing.

The very pretty woman next in line said softly, “May I have bourbon instead of scotch?” Now that was an offer hard to resist.

Oh dear, I decided to get outta there at once while my resolve was intact but I couldn’t resist one of my favorite lines, “My dear,” I replied, “It has been so long since I’ve had sex I can’t remember who gets tied up!”

Once again hysterical laughter broke out. I’ll bet a dollar to a donut the story was repeated many times later that day.

The Jokes For Senior Citizens on this page are a result of the humor remedy mentioned in our free Caregiver’s Manual. To download your free copy >>Click Here<<

Joke #7

Three weeks after her wedding day, Joanna called her minister.

“Reverend,” she wailed, “John and I had a DREADFUL fight!”

“Calm down, my child,” said the minister, “it’s not half as bad as you think. Every marriage has to have its first fight!”

“I know, I know!” said Joanna. “But what am I going to do with the BODY?”

Joke #8

Late one night a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs.

“Give me your money,” he demanded.

Indignant, the affluent man replied, “You can’t do this – I’m a US Congressman!”

“In that case,” replied the robber, “give me MY money!”

Check out the rest of Jokes For Senior Citizens Pages

They’re a Hoot!!

Jokes Seniors LikeOne-Liner Jokes For Sr. Citizens


Senior Outreach Ministries achieves it’s objectives with the capital we’ve either earned or received from donors. The Proud 2 B A Senior Ribbon for example. Donate $5, get a ribbon and help us help a hungry Senior Citizen in need. All proceeds remain in the Ministries to be used per our mission statement. We are a volunteer church. No one receives a salary or wage. Please help us help less fortunate hungry Seniors. We never have and never will ask the government for grants, funds or hand outs. Thank You in advance.

Jokes Seniors Like

Jokes Seniors Like

Jokes seniors like is one of our favorite things to share. Don’t get me wrong. We definitely enjoy sharing vital information on a number of different subjects. And that’s because information is king, and we all need it to get thru life. But it’s almost as amazing to share a good joke and laugh. There’s very few things in life as rewarding as a smile.

Since this is the third page, this page has a lot of different Jokes For Seniors, it’s probably the longest of all the jokes pages. There’s a number of jokes on this page, some even have titles. Please feel free to share this page with friends and make sure everyone gets in on the laughs. We are constantly searching for new material and we also enjoy when our readers share jokes with us. Simply use the Contact S.O.M. link in the menu at the top of the page and submit your favorite joke.

We’ll review your joke and if it’s approved we’ll post it on one of many Jokes For Seniors pages. Just keep in mind, even though this site is directed at seniors, we like to keep our jokes clean and non-racial. We want everyone in the family to be able enjoy and share the jokes.

Enjoy reading the jokes, one-liners and puns we’ve published on this page and the other joke pages. Don’t be afraid to tell your friends and family where you found them either. We could all use a good laugh. More often than we may think.

Getting Old

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor’s permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. Then I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, “How old was your husband?” “98,” she replied. “Two years older than me.” “So you’re 96,” the undertaker commented. She responded, “Hardly worth going home, is it?

I’ve sure gotten old! I’ve had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees. Fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I’m half blind, can’t hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can’t remember if I’m 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver’s license.

A reporter was interviewing a 104-year-old woman: “And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?” the reporter asked. She simply replied, “No peer pressure.”

My memory’s not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory’s not as sharp as it used to be.

Don’t Mess With Grandma

An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her voice, “I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!” The four men didn’t wait for a second invitation. They got out and ran like mad.

The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver’s seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried, and then it dawned on her why.

A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the police station. The sergeant to whom she told the story could not stop laughing. He pointed to the other end of the counter. There were four pale men reporting a car jacking. They described the assailant as a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, white hair and carrying a large handgun.

Jokes Seniors Like — To Be 6 Again

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife turning back and forth, looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off, he asked what she’d like to have for her birthday. I’d like to be six again, she replied, still looking in the mirror.

On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park. What a day ! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster…everything there was. Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a McDonald’s where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.

Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M’s. What a fabulous adventure!

Finally, she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, “Well Dear, what was it like being six again?”

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.

I meant my DRESS SIZE, you dumb ass!

The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is going to get it wrong.

Next up — A $10 Dog

A guy is driving around Nevada and he sees a sign in front of a house: “Talking Dog for Sale.” He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador retriever sitting there.

“You talk?” he asks. “Yep,” the Lab replies.

“So, what’s your story?”

The Lab looks up and says, “Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eaves dropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running.”

“But the jetting around really wore me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security wandering near suspicious characters and listening in.” “I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.”

“And, I got married, had a mess of puppies and now I’m just retired.” The guy is amazed.

He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog. “Ten dollars,” the owner answers.

The guy says, “Ten dollars?” “This dog is amazing, why on earth are you selling him so cheap?”

“Because he’s a liar, he never did any of that stuff!”

The End of Jokes Seniors Like

Hopefully these Jokes Seniors like gave you a good chuckle. That’s all we’re trying to do, ladies and gentleman. Share a good laugh with our Sr. Citizen, Caregiver and Pre-Sene friends. Therefore, we hope you share the laughs with some of your friends today, too. After all if these are jokes seniors like today, you might be able to tell them to ’em again tomorrow.

Check out the rest of Jokes For Senior Citizens Pages

They’re a Hoot!!

Jokes For Senior CitizensOne Liner Jokes For Senior Citizens


Senior Outreach Ministries achieves it’s objectives with the capital we’ve either earned or received from donors. The Proud 2 B A Senior Ribbon for example. Donate $5, get a ribbon and help us help a hungry Senior Citizen in need. All proceeds remain in the Ministries to be used per our mission statement. We are a volunteer church. No one receives a salary or wage. Please help us help less fortunate hungry Seniors. We never have and never will ask the government for grants, funds or hand outs. Thank You in advance.

One Liner Jokes For Senior Citizens

One Liner Jokes For Senior Citizens

Jokes, Jokes and more jokes after that. We’re known for having jokes on a wide array of subjects. Enjoy combing this page and make sure you check out the others. You’ll find links to the other joke pages at the bottom of each page when the jokes end.

S.O.M. brings you our 30 Favorite One Liner Jokes For Senior Citizens. We do not claim to have came up with these, we do claim to chuckle when we read them. And we definitely believe laughter is one of the best medicines. We also believe a good sense of humor can fix just about any bad day you might be having.

So we share these little gems with simple hopes. If you’re having a bad these One Liner Jokes For Senior Citizens cheer you up. And if you’re already having a good day, or even an acceptable day, these little one-liners give you a good laugh.

Or, at least bring a smile to your face.

Sometimes life has a way of making us forget it’s important to smile at least once everyday. And we know smiling at least once a day isn’t the only thing we need to make sure we do at least once a day.

You want to make sure at least once a day, every day, to tell your loved ones just how special they are. You never know when your time here will come to an end. So make sure your loved ones always no exactly how you feel. It’s more than worth it in the long run.

Try and find at least fifteen minutes for yourself everyday too. Time to reflect, time to plan, time to decompress, whatever you may need that time for. And if you can take longer than 15 minutes, you should. It’s imperative you take a few minutes everyday and make sure you’re staying on course, you’re staying true to yourself and your loved ones.

That’s more lecture than we intended to include on this page. So go ahead, read the 30 One Liner Jokes For Senior Citizens and have a good laugh. At least that’s what we hope happens.

30 One Liner Jokes For Senior Citizens

  1. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn’t.
  2. I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it
  3. Some people are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them
  4. I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!
  5. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke
  6. Don’t take life too seriously; No one gets out alive
  7. You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me
  8. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder
  9. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe
  10. I’m not a complete idiot — Some parts are missing
  11. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes
  12. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezey, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine
  13. God must love stupid people; He made so many
  14. The gene pool could use a little chlorine
  15. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps
  16. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
  17. Being “over the hill” is much better than being under it!
  18. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up
  19. Procrastinate Now!
  20. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
  21. A hangover is the wrath of grapes
  22. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance
  23. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
  24. They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken
  25. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead
  26. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory
  27. Ham and eggs. A day’s work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig
  28. The trouble with life is there’s no background music
  29. The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson
  30. I smile! because I don’t know what the hell is going on.

The End

Hopefully you’ve enjoyed our 30 One Liner Jokes For Senior Citizens. If there’s one or two one-liners you think are worth adding go ahead and drop us a line, Click Here and if they get approved we’ll add them to the list. Please keep in mind though. We’d like the clean versions without any racism or profanity. We like it when everyone in the family can share our content. And while You’re here Feel free to check out the other joke pages.

Check out the rest of Jokes For Senior Citizens Pages

They’re a Hoot!!

Jokes For Senior CitizensJokes Seniors Like


Senior Outreach Ministries achieves it’s objectives with the capital we’ve either earned or received from donors. The Proud 2 B A Senior Ribbon for example. Donate $5, get a ribbon and help us help a hungry Senior Citizen in need. All proceeds remain in the Ministries to be used per our mission statement. We are a volunteer church. No one receives a salary or wage. Please help us help less fortunate hungry Seniors. We never have and never will ask the government for grants, funds or hand outs. Thank You in advance.