Jokes For Senior Citizens

Jokes For Sr. Citizens

I Have Been told laughter is the best medicine.

I hope so or we’ve just wasted some electronic real estate.

Joke #1

At a southern university, students in the psychology program were attending their first class on emotional extremes.

“Just to establish some parameters,” said the professor to the student from Arkansas, “what is the opposite of joy?”

“Sadness,” said the student.

“And the opposite of depression?” he asked of the young lady from Oklahoma.

“Elation,” she said.

“And you sir,” he said to the young man from Texas, “what about the opposite of woe?”

The Texan replied, “Sir, I believe that would be ‘giddy up’.”

Joke #2

Two New Jersey hunters go hunting.

After a while, one of the hunters clutches his throat and falls to the ground, his eyes roll back, and he’s lying there motionless.

The other one picks up a cell phone, dials 911, and says, “I think my friend is dead! I don’t know what to do!”

And the operator says, “Just relax. Calm down. The first thing to do is to make certain your friend is dead.”

There’s a pause — and then the operator hears a gunshot. And the hunter gets back on the phone and says, “Okay. Now what?”

Jokes For Senior Citizens are like food. All of the jokes are either mild, medium or hot. Some of us like it spicy, and some of us don’t. Just don’t put too much in your system at any one time!!

Joke #3

One Saturday afternoon, not too long ago, my wife and I were shopping at a mall, a shapely young woman in a short, form-fitting dress strolled by.

Not really sure what got into me. But I let my eyes follow her.

Without ever taking her eyes off the dress she was examining, my wife calmly asked, “Was it worth it?”

With a shocked tone, I stuttered, “W-w-was what worth it?”

Without missing a beat my wife sharply replied, “It’s going to be tough golfing with your clubs wrapped around your head.”

Joke #4

After hearing that one of the patients in a mental hospital had saved another from a suicide attempt by pulling him out of a bathtub, the director reviewed the rescuer’s file and called him into his office.

“Mr. James, your records and your heroic behavior indicate that you’re ready to go home. I’m only sorry that the man you saved later killed himself with a rope around the neck.”

“Oh, he didn’t kill himself,” Mr. James replied. “I hung him up to dry.”.

If you have some clean jokes for senior citizens, or even just one joke, you’d like to share submit the joke(s), one-liner(s) or pun(s) and if it’s approved we’ll publish it with your name and state.

Click Here to Submit A Joke

Joke #5

Head of Household

Everybody on earth was dead and waiting to enter Paradise. God appeared and said, “I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men who were true heads of their household and the other line for the men who were dominated by their women. I want all the women to report to St Peter.”

Soon, the women were gone and there were two lines of men. The line of the men who were dominated by their wives was 1000 miles long, and in the line of men who truly were heads of their household, there was only one man.

God said, “You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you to be the head of your household. You have been disobedient and not fulfilled your purpose. I told you to be the spiritual leader in your family. Of all of you, only one obeyed.

Learn from him. Tell them, my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?”

The man replied, “I don’t know, my wife told me to stand here.”

Joke #6

It was a depressing, dreary day. I was at the Post Office. The line was long and people were griping about the hot, wet weather.

When I finished with the clerk she asked, “Is there anything else you would like?” In a very serious stage voice I replied, “Yes, a scotch & soda and some wild sex!”

All the people in line broke out laughing.

The very pretty woman next in line said softly, “May I have bourbon instead of scotch?” Now that was an offer hard to resist.

Oh dear, I decided to get outta there at once while my resolve was intact but I couldn’t resist one of my favorite lines, “My dear,” I replied, “It has been so long since I’ve had sex I can’t remember who gets tied up!”

Once again hysterical laughter broke out. I’ll bet a dollar to a donut the story was repeated many times later that day.

The Jokes For Senior Citizens on this page are a result of the humor remedy mentioned in our free Caregiver’s Manual. To download your free copy >>Click Here<<

Joke #7

Three weeks after her wedding day, Joanna called her minister.

“Reverend,” she wailed, “John and I had a DREADFUL fight!”

“Calm down, my child,” said the minister, “it’s not half as bad as you think. Every marriage has to have its first fight!”

“I know, I know!” said Joanna. “But what am I going to do with the BODY?”

Joke #8

Late one night a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs.

“Give me your money,” he demanded.

Indignant, the affluent man replied, “You can’t do this – I’m a US Congressman!”

“In that case,” replied the robber, “give me MY money!”

Check out the rest of Jokes For Senior Citizens Pages

They’re a Hoot!!

Jokes Seniors LikeOne-Liner Jokes For Sr. Citizens

Senior Outreach Ministries achieves it’s objectives with the capital we’ve either earned or received from donors. The Proud 2 B A Senior Ribbon for example. Donate $5, get a ribbon and help us help a hungry Senior Citizen in need. All proceeds remain in the Ministries to be used per our mission statement. We are a volunteer church. No one receives a salary or wage. Please help us help less fortunate hungry Seniors. We never have and never will ask the government for grants, funds or hand outs. Thank You in advance.